Tuesday, October 16, 2007

To Blog or not to Blog...ahh what the heck?

After a few of the comments I received related to the fecal fairy tales I've posted (only 2 really, and 1 that questioned the lack of handwashing afterwards), I've started to wonder why I write blogs and really, what is the point?

I think I write my blog for fun and to have a moment or two of creative realease in an otherwise busy-yet-boring workaday week we call life. I generally only ever write blogs while I'm at work, stealing five to ten mintues to usually write about something that has just happenned or an idea/phrase that struck me as funny just a few moments before. It breaks up the uninterrupted spreadsheets spooled in front of my eyes from 9 to 5 and I usually get back to work feeling happier and little more productive for the rest of the day. Most people who've read my writings seem to get a good chuckle or two (some have had much better, some much worse) but overall it seems to be a win-win-win situation for all invovled.

Taking a little step back I think that the blogs haven't been (at least for the most part) about the obvious subjects they're centered around (bathroom visits, avoiding work, installing a washingmachine, or faking things) but rather an examination of the strange and often funny behvior surrounding those events. The things people do when they don't really think anyone is paying attention or even when they know people are paying attention (myself included). I wouldn't go so far as to collectively call them a treatise on human behavior since that would be offending anyone who's actually ever written a treatise and affords too much importance on the trivial little paragraphs I've amateurishly strung together mostly for my own, sometimes for other peoples', amusement. They are an honest examination, as much as I can muster, of what I've seen and the way things have made me think on a day-to-day basis.

In the end I think a blog acts as a diary of sorts mainly because while they do convey some tidbits of information or 'facts', they are for the most part opinion-based and opinion-biased no matter how neutral anyone truly claims to be. That is the best we can hope to expect from blogs and most everything else in the world these days. There are much better blogs our there than mine and much worse for sure, but collectively, if you could include a large enough sampling of them, I think they act as one of the only really true snapshots of the human condition (of the affluent, computer-connected world at any rate).

That's my two cents, at least, and that's my blog.

Friday, October 12, 2007

"Poogasm" or "Another Kick at the Can"

Sorry to return to another detestable diatribe on defecation, but some things I just can't comprehend.

I understand fully the pleasurable pinnacle a person can obtain when the push-and-pinch provides a plethora of piquante relief hormones pulsating through a person's pipeline (pick a peck of pickled peppers 5 times fast).

I also understand how during that same superpowered sensation someone could squeak a sigh of satisfaction when surfing solo in the salle de bain (sick a seck of sickled seppers 5 times fast?).

What I fail to comprehend is what the people who exhale these exhortations think they're accomplishing, if anything, when they do it in the presence of proper persons in public?

The multi-orgasmic moans and musings emanating from their mouths following happy clappy flappy flatulence in their seemingly less than soundproof stall is digusting to the point that they may as well be copulating with a corpulant corpse for all I could care.

The juxtaposition of a joyous moan or grunt immediately proceeding presumptuous plumbing plugging poo pumping is just perplexing. Odd enough to make one want to garrulously giggle but, not wanting to be apprehended at all by the poo pusher, one has to use extraordinary sound stifling personal powers lest, Heaven help us, you be harrowingly had.

What's worse? Being lavishly loud while tooting to the tune of number two, or noticing someone else's excremental excitement?

I just don't know and there is the ridiculous rub of it all.

Today's blog is brought to you by the letters A, D, P, S, E, F, M, C, G, H, L, T, and R with minor sponsorship from the rest of the alphabet too.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

LifeChat



LifeChatTM

What to Say to Get What You Want

Personal Interactions Edition


(Also available: Business Interactions Edition, Kids Edition, Dealing With The Elderly Edition)


Synopsis: LifeChatTM is more than just a book or instructional manual, it is the path to professional success and personal freedom!
Modeled after the Choose Your Own Adventure style of book we all loved as children, follow our unique, easy-to-learn, highly effective system and YOU TOO can achieve the success you only ever dreamed of but never thought possible.

We've included an excerpt below to whet your appetite.
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Excerpt: Page 14 - Husband to Wife Communication: Butter Her Up

Sample starter script: "Honey, you are a strong, intelligent, independent, and beautiful woman. I am a million times blessed to know someone like you. Thank-you for being you. It would be an absolute honour if you would...(turn to Page 69 for action options)."

Excerpt: Page 69 - Interraction Action Options

Sample action script 23: "...provide oral pleasure to my male member."
Sample action script 36: "...toss my salad."
Sample action script 23: "spank me like a schoolboy. A naughty, naughty schoolboy."

(see Page 126 for Counter Objection Responses)

Excerpt: Page 126 - Counter Objection Responses

Sample counter scipt 325: "Yes, of course I will freshen up first."
(see Glossary for deinition of bolded terms)

Excerpt: Page B-23 - Glossary - Section F

Sample Glossary Term: "Freshen Up: To cleanse via bathing, showering, or washcloth generally with specific focus on malodorous regions including armpits, neck, feet, and genital region(s). In the case of washcloth use this activity is sometimes also referred to as 'Prostitute's Penance' or 'Hooker Wash'.