Did you know...?

Did you know: when eating dried fruit, a tiny little dried apricot is actually a whole apricot?

Eating them like potato chips while mindlessly watching television after a long hard day at work is not recommended. Two or three should be sufficient, daring a dozen (or more) is just silly or stupid depending on whether you're a glass is half full or empty kind of person.

Should you dubiously disregard this advantageous advice, you'll need to rapidly race to the nearest coffee shop the next morning to return them, after a brief stop at the Department of Wastewater Management, to Mother Nature herself to use as fertilizer for some other bowel bubbling communal comestible as she sees fit.

Also, if you do find yourself in such a ridiculous race, trying to explain to a personable police officer that you were just trying to righteously return that delinquently defective turtle, the one that keeps purposefully poking his harrowingly harassing head out, to its rightful home will not get you out of whatever wistfully wicked ticket for speeding or other infarcted traffic-related infraction you are about to remorsefully receive.

Or so I've heard.

Mother-lover, there it goes again.